It's final week for college right now; I should feel so relieved to be done with my first semester of college. Am I though?
Not quite. Break is going to be so stressful for me I don't know what I'm going to do.

One of my best 'guy' friends told me recently that he has a crush on me and wants to be with me. Let me tell you right away that I don't feel the same way and ever since he told me, I've been feeling annoyed by his presence. I mean, we used to be able to talk about anything and everything. Now, all he wants to talk about is how much he wants to date me, what he would do if he were dating me, and etc. It's gotten to the point where I don't want to talk to him at all.

On top of that, I told him long back that I have a boyfriend. Now do I really have a boyfriend? No. Shit, it's obvious. However, I tell him that I have one and this fake boyfriend is kind of saving my ass right now. I mean, I suck at saying no to people. Shit, I'm the WORST at turning people down, rejecting offers I don't want, etc., etc., etc.  I don't have the time for a boyfriend; working over 40 hours a week and being a full time student doesn't allow the extra time to have a significant other.

My life needs that cherry on top though. Over the summer, I joined a free dating site for the hell of it. I have over 300 people near my location that want to meet me. I've turned then all down. However, I have been texting this one guy I met on the site. I like him and he wants to meet up with me sometime. December 28th. Yeah. But I CAN"T. I'm nervous as heck and I absolutely suck at relationships anyways. Also, as i stated earlier, I don't have the relationship time slotted out in my life right now. So, BAM! I don't know what to do. I feel terrible, but I know I am a horrible person with relationships. Shit, I've never had a relationship over 4 months and I'm eighteen. I know. I know. No hating, please.

I just hope that this holiday season ends up turning well and I know very much so that my actions are a huge factor for that actually happening.

xx Chelsea